The board of health has proposed that warning signs be placed on booze bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible perils of pounding a pint or two. Are they headed in the right direction?

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think while photocopying your boobs at the office Christmas party.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name you can’t remember).

Warning: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, prettier, and smarter than someone really, really big named Bubba.