Articles by Tornado Allie
When she's not out fighting crime with the homemade F-16 she engineered in her loft overlooking Dark City (Asbury Park, for those of you with no sense of history), Tornado Allie can be found at the Ladies Knitting Circle and Baccarat Club of Greater Monmouth County. She loves martinis, but prefers women. Read More >>
Before you read this, a few words, please.
My father, Charles Kevin Kolarik, passed away on the 7th of April, 2011. He was my hero. I’ve written about him before, and since I am the writer …
MySpace has become a wasteland of useless, sucky bands, hostile conspiracy nuts, and sexual deviants – the digital equivalent of living on Avenue D. I haven’t logged into the site since the Facebook revolution … …
It’s that time of year again…when we all get excited about…VD! No, not the itchy rash your friends warned you about when you told them you were going to L-Bar; I’m talking about Valentine’s Day! …
Stay with me here, this one’s a haymaker.
Perhaps you are who you associate with. Which would mean a great number of you are soul-sucking, life-failing, unstable, alcoholic, girlfriend-beaters. That seems to be the career choice …
Come one, come all to see the greatest act of prestidigitation in the history of the Jersey shore!
Gaze in awe as history itself crumbles right in front of you!
Line up! Line up to see a …
She looks like a woman tired.
She looks like you and me
and her and her and her.
She looks like she has rolled her eyes at the same
dumb, hairy, male questions
about what “fucking” means to her
over and …
1. My favorite thing to eat when I’m hungover is tinned mandarin slices. My favorite thing to drink in that terrible state is weak Lipton iced tea (the powdered kind that comes in the military-style …
I know that so many of you are out there suffering in silence. You don’t know how you’re going to pay your electric bill. You’re trying to decide whether to buy groceries or pay your …
*Note: I just broke up with my girlfriend, but this post has NOTHING to do with us. It’s been sitting on my desktop for over six months, ever since a friend of mine explained to …
After selling my soul to huge corporations my entire adult life, working under people who I wouldn’t let near my family or friends even if the world came to an end, I decided to strike …
As a resident of our beloved Asbury Park, I am duty-bound to see at least three live shows a month. That said, I can assure you that the local scene is littered with weak, half-assed …
I was startled awake by the sounds of yelling from the street below. This is something I’ve grown accustomed to living in Asbury Park on Main and First. People stagger home drunk from their bar …
I’m pretty sure if NASA was using gluten-free bread on the Columbia Shuttle’s hull, the horrible explosion that cost seven lives never would have happened. This shit is seriously heat resistant. Why aren’t we making …
I am butch.
Let’s just get that out of the way. I have my feminine attributes; but I am, for all the world to see, as gay as a glitter-farting unicorn.
That said, I have never really …
