I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey …

Essentially, it’s an exploration into the longevity of drama – the “whatever happened to fuhgeddaboudit?” attitude – of lesbians in New Jersey.

There’s drama in Jersey, all right. We’ve talked about it ad nauseum on this site, and with friends, and in the bar, and everywhere else you may find us.

But the fact of the matter is, in Jersey, drama amongst lesbians is like a blog post on the Internet: it will always be there, and if someone is looking for it, they can (and often do) always bring it back up.

Lesbians just seem to have really good selective memory out here. They can get blasted out of their minds at the bar and not remember what they did the next day, but, God only knows, mention something a year later regarding a hookup between so-and-so and such-a-body that happened the same night, and they’re the expert. “Ohmigod, I totally remember that. That bitch hooked up with [insert name here], even though she was [insert name here's] ex of three weeks, and she had already made out with [insert name here]. Oh, and she was wearing a purple shirt, tight jeans, and stripper heels. And she had a zit on her left temple. And she blinked twice when I said hi.”

I mean, what goes on with that? And why does it seem so important to everyone

Avoid the drama, and avoid the perpetual stigma, by following these standard guidelines for being a lesbian in New Jersey:

Don’t talk behind someone’s back.
This will always come back to bite you in the ass. Plus, it makes you look like a putz. So just … don’t do it.

Don’t side with someone on a particular issue, only to renege on it later.
Again, you will always look like a douche if you sympathize with someone’s plight – “Oh, god, she was just awful for [doing whatever it is she did] to you” and then, a month later, turn around and do exactly the same thing. And then wonder why your (now former) friend now has a problem with you. Really?

Do not date a friend’s ex without an explicit, “Yes, I am totally okay with that.”
How many times has this been an issue? For Christ’s sake, people. If your friend dates someone for longer than, say, six months, I say it’s only common courtesy to say, “Look, I’m totally feeling this girl, and I know you dated her. Would you be okay with me asking her out?” Provided they’ve been broken up over three months, you have a 99% chance of them saying back to you, “Um, duh. It’s totally okay.” But they’ll respect you for asking, even if they have no romantic inclinations left towards the targeted party, and, in turn, you’ll have peace of mind knowing that no one (that you know of) could possibly get upset if you and the girl in question ended up an item.

These three points may seem to many of you as the most obvious, “duh”-worthy ideas ever. It certainly seems that way to me. But some people just don’t get it. And a few of them never will. And a lot of them will never let things go, and will remind people of their wrongdoings long after the fact. And that’s just sad. Chances are, dwelling on the past will never get you the next great career or the next great relationship. Go focus on something life-altering, inspiring, or invigorating, will you?

Have you ever had something you did in the past come back to haunt you later?

(And, by the way, tell me where the first line quote comes from. Major brownie points to those who know it without Googling!)