I took the liberty today of sending a text to a completely random selection of individuals from my address book that read: “What’s the best way to get over a break up?” Some of the responses were as follows:

• “Have sex with someone else.”
• “Rebounddddd.”
• “Hook up with everyone.”
• “Find another one!”
• “Get one of those Men in Black mind eraser things.”

Thanks, Pops, for the last one. Hahaha.

Clearly, a lot of people with whom I’ve talked think that going on the rebound is the best way to get over a break up. While it is a good distraction, and can be quite enjoyable, I’m sure, it’s merely a band-aid for the healing process (but then, so is excessive drinking and recreational drug use, which are some other ways I’ve known people to deal with a break up). Think of it as a temporary high. To successfully get over a break-up, one really does need to focus on things that will be more beneficial in the long-term.

Break off all communication with your ex, at least temporarily. Emotions run wild during the first few weeks, or even months, of a breakup, no matter how amicable it was. Most people do hope to be friends with their ex eventually, barring some really heinous reason for the breakup in the first place (and those of you who insist on being friends with an ex-girlfriend who has abused them might actually be the target of a future post), but one really has to let things settle down before trying to “get back to the way things were” before the relationship began. This means … *inhales* … no phone calls, no texting, no Facebook, no instant messages, and no hanging out to talk about “things.” And if she tries to contact you, don’t answer the phone, the messages, or the emails. If you broke up, no matter who instigated it, there is a reason for it. No matter how hard it may be to let go of the person with whom you spent weeks, months, or even years, it’s for your own good, and hers as well to have some distance for awhile. Not doing so just confuses things.

Get emotional. It’s healthy! Spend a little bit of time mourning the loss of a relationship, no matter how big an impact it had on you. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to get angry, get angry. Accept your feelings, let the out, and you’ll actually find that you feel better afterward. The world will not seem so bleak.

Understand what happened, and learn from that. Take a quiet moment to look at the relationship and break up analytically. Were there obvious signs that a break up was imminent? Were there certain differences between you and your partner that simply couldn’t contribute to a lasting relationship? The important points here are a) do not dwell on this for a long period of time and b) don’t obsess over what you could have done to save it. By evaluating the relationship on your own, as objectively as you can, you can learn from what happened and, hopefully, apply those lessons to any future relationship.

just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing. (TFLN)

Take some time to focus on Number One. You’ve spent a good period of time sharing your life with someone else – time, experiences, money, and everything else. Now is the time to remember who you are and what makes you happy. (I can hear some of you saying, “But she made me happy!” now, but you need to put that aside right now.) Take up some hobbies that you neglected during your relationship, or dive right into them. See some movies that she didn’t want to watch. After my last break up, I spent a lot of time singing and playing guitar in the confines of my room. It sounds like a very solitary activity, but I found it to be extremely therapeutic, and ultimately improved my playing skills.

Spend time with the people who love you. You may be dwelling on the fact that “the only person who loves me” is no longer with you, but you still have your friends and your family. Spend time with the people who enjoy spending time with you. Use it as an excuse to vent some of your frustrations or emotions. Not only will they give you helpful advice, but they’ll distract you from what feels like a new void in your life.

Don’t ever let a break up cause you to doubt your own self-worth. This relationship may not have been meant to be, but you’ll move on and find someone else down the road who suits you better. Keep your head up, and things will be okay.