My mother. What can be said about my mother?

She is a lovely woman who I care very much about. Really, I do. Promise. She is the epitome of Jewish mother, gleefully listing her favorite hobbies as nagging as well as controlling her two adult children’s lives. She is in her early 50′s but doesn’t look it, with bottle blonde hair, clothes that literally sparkle, and an often too-dark manicure. She’s divorced, heterosexual, and drinks single-malt scotch.

A little more than a year ago I finally came out to her. I say finally, because, it really wasn’t a big secret to most people that I’m gay. Mom predictably started with the whole, “it’s just a phase” and “you’re just experimenting” banter. I accepted it as her way of coping and processing. She wasn’t unsupportive, but she wasn’t about to be jumping for joy over the news of my sexual orientation.

Then the comments started. Every time I mentioned anything from Rachel Maddow, Ellen, or another queer person-of-interest, mom would say, “oy vey, Mariel, is that ALL you care about?” or “get your head out of the bedroom and back into reality”. I dealt with it, and now just ignore it. With mom, I really need to pick my battles.

When introducing my girlfriend to her friends and members of her family who I don’t really know, it’s not, “this is Mariel’s girlfriend XXXX”, it’s always, “this is Mariel’s friend XXXX”. And it’s really starting to piss me off. I see it as a huge sign of disrespect, not only to my relationship, but also to the queer community as a whole.

My mom grew up in a very homogeneous Yonkers community, where most of the people she interacted with were Caucasian, Jewish, upper-middle-class. I don’t know how much exposure she has had to the queer community (aside from having a lesbian daughter). In the past she has become extremely uncomfortable when my girlfriend and I hold hands in her presence.

She needs to get over it.

By not referring to my girlfriend as such, I see it as her almost (in her mind) delegitimizing my relationship. My relationship is no less of a relationship because it’s with a person of the same gender. I am in love, more so that I ever thought would be possible for me. I am astonishingly happy, and that should be enough. She should be thrilled to see her daughter in a state such as this and be shouting from the rooftops.

But she’s not.

I don’t think she realizes how upsetting this is for me. I want her to introduce my girlfriend as my girlfriend. I want her to brag about me to her friends from synogague. I want her to call her cousins out in Nevada or her mom down in Boca Raton and say, “oh yah, my little bububla is in love”.

It’s taken a lot of work for me to finally be able to say that I am happy, that I am in love, and that I am a somewhat-functional human. Mom knows it’s been a rough time of it for me, and don’t all moms want their little girls to be happy?

If she is happy for me, it’d be really nice if she’d show it. Just saying.