Friday night my girlfriend and I were relaxing with some friends I affectionately refer to as “The L-Team” and the topic of sex inevitably came up. I have come to realize we are always talking about sex, lesbian or otherwise.

Somehow the topic of “the bases” came up. I first remember hearing sex referred to as such in 4th or 5th grade, after sneaking a Seventeen Magazine with a friend from her older sister. The valuable information I had learned from reading such illicit material was valuable playground currency, and soon we couldn’t hear our Phys-Ed teacher call out, “hit a home run” without dissolving in a fit of giggles.

Heterosexual sex has always, as long as I have known, called the bases The Four Fs;

First Base: French,

Second Base: Feel,

Third Base: Finger,

Home: Fuck.

That’s all well and good for the breeders, where boy bits poking inside a vajayjay is the socially-accepted definition of sex. But we’re not all following Former President Bill Clinton’s elucidation regarding when sex actually occurs. By not inserting himself into her ladyparts, he did not have sex with Miss Lewinsky. However, what does that mean for lesbian sex?

A few adult beverages and rounds of RockBand later, the L-Team determined the following bases for lesbians;

First: French,

Second: Feeling boobies!

Third: Fingering pussy,

Home: Eating pussy.

But in true sporty lesbian fashion, we continued to run with the metaphor and applied more softball terminology to other plays in the bedroom (or kitchen, shower, bar washroom/parking lot, park, church pew, tennis courts…);

Bunt: Going in for the kiss, and she gives you the cheek,

Foul: Going in for the kiss, and she pushes you away. DENIED!

Double: Sucking titty,

Grand Slam: 69-ing,

Walk-off Home Run: You fuck her, she orgasms, then passes out or leaves,

Stealing Home: Skipping bases 1-3 and going straight to eating her out. Often also referred to as a quickie.

This got me thinking- in general, do lesbians think of sex in the same way heterosexuals do? Some members of the L-Team may disagree, I feel very strongly that sex isn’t a recreational activity, but I’m old-school. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve jumped into bed with someone right after meeting them. If that’s your thing, cool… but it’s not mine.

I don’t think that sex is an acceptable icebreaker.

But then, what base is? On a first date/first meeting, is it deemed the norm to make out? Sure, I guess, if you like her. But what about anything further?

Batter’s up!