No, genius, I’m not going to tell you how to cheat, although that could make for an altogether controversial (albeit interesting) post … no. I’m resisting that temptation. This time. :)

In a relationship, or even in the budding stages of a relationship, or even just amongst friends, the topic of cheating inevitably arises. What exactly constitutes cheating? Is it flirting with someone else? Is it making out with someone else, sexing someone else, or having someone else’s child? I’ve narrowed the list down to a few definitions that I’ve heard from friend and foe alike, taking a few creative liberties (of course) if I happen to think something is a little ridiculous. No, really. And disagreements are welcome, so please feel free to comment.

If you so much as look at another girl, we’re over, baby. Ooh, I’ve met that type.  This is the couple that goes everywhere together, but they’re rarely seen in public.  That’s because one of the two is totally insecure about the nature of the relationship (though she’d likely never admit that) and believes that any eye contact, conversation, hair flip, finger lift, inadvertent spit bubble, or eyebrow twitch is a sign that her partner is cheating. And there’s no convincing her otherwise. The thing about this one is that usually, if this relationship has any staying power past the first month, the more submissive partner is actually accepting of such activities and agrees with the dominant individual. Interactions with another person outside of the relationship is cheating. Personally, I’m of the mind that this is an extremely unhealthy codependent kind of relationship, but hey … to each her own.

I was drunk, and, yeah, I kissed her, but I was just being nice, baby! I know of a few people who have been in relationships where, really, kissing someone else is actually okay. Think of it as just acting upon a natural human tendency to find affection from multiple sources. The couple goes to a club, say, and splits up for the night – not officially as a couple, mind you, but just goes off with their own friends or to do their own thing, and if some sort of intimate activity involving lips occurs with someone else, it doesn’t matter … because the couple meets up at the end of the night and goes home together as always, no worse for wear. I suppose this is the most healthy of all cases because  one does get her “outlet,” but as always, strict rules need to apply. No swapping numbers, for instance. Not allowing the potential for something else to develop. Which leads me to …

Oh no, baby, I have no idea who gave me that hickey … or that case of herpes. But since I don’t know her name, and it was just one night, we’re good, right? There is another school of thought that maintains the principle that human beings, and lesbians especially, are just naturally inclined to have numerous sexual partners when the opportunity arises. Some of them even believe that it’s an inherent human need to satisfy sexual cravings when and where the desire so strikes them. In this case, I have met a few couples – not many, mind you, but some – that are open to the “one night stand” rule, wherein sex with an outsider is absolutely okay and not detrimental to the relationship so long as a) the acting partner does not pursue anything further with the hookup and b) the acting partner gets themself tested immediately following, prior to sleeping with their partner again. (Okay, so I added the b bit as part of those aforementioned “creative liberties” that I mentioned, but really, people, be safe.) So unless you sleep with this random person multiple times, the couple doesn’t consider it to be cheating. Indeed, it can often be seen as just a part of the experience of sexual awakening.

She’s got my heart, but you’ve got my body, baby. Oooh, the infamous and dramatic emotional affair. The emotional affair is just that: you’re cheating on your partner with your emotions. One partner has found an outlet for her intellectual and emotional desires outside of her current relationship. Though nothing physical is involved at this point, this does tread on dangerous territory and has the tendency to snowball into a full-blown affair. 

Can’t see you tonight, baby. I have a date. How’s next Tuesday for you? And, finally, there are those who are in relationships but can sleep with whomever they like, whenever they like. This is not a relationship, in my opinion; you have a fuck buddy. And that opens up a whole new can of worms altogether, one which will likely be covered in a future blog post. However, this can also be interpreted as an open relationship, but I never really understood the point of those anyway so I’m not going to get into it. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone has their own specific interpretation of cheating, and just remember it’s always important to discuss with your partner prior to engaging in any of these selective “alternatives” so as to ensure no boundaries are crossed and you’re both in agreement.

Have I missed anything?  Disagree with me on any points? I’d be interested to hear your thoughts and comments.